Julius P. Smith,

Workforce/Psychiatric Coordinator,

Hillary Clinton Basic Skills Development Center

(formerly Anytown USA Elementary School)

4 March 2005

To the parents of: Johnny A. Doe

It has been determined that you are unfit parents, because your child has expressed a belief the United States is, and should be, independent of the United Nations, and that he has the right to determine his own career, instead of making his decision based on the State's needs.

It is the finding of this office that you are guilty of child neglect for failure to instill in your child the proper attitude toward a global economy and a world without borders, seriously damaging his chances for a high-skill, high-paying career. Your child was taken into protective custody at 9 a.m. this morning and has been placed in the care of a foster home until such time as it has been determined that you demonstrate the proper attitude for raising your child in the approved manner.

You are ordered to report to the Harris County Adult Re-Education Center for evaluation, analysis and re-education. You may appeal this decision through the 48th U.S. District Court of Workforce Development Appeals; however, until such time as that court renders a decision, the child will remain in the protective custody of the State. The court's current backlog is four years between filing and hearing.

Please note that your employer is a member of the Corporate Workforce Development Partnership, and has a "zero-tolerance" policy on this issue. You will likely lose your job if you do not comply.

Your child's improper attitude was first reported by a classmate, who reported to his K-4 facilitator that Johnny did not recite the Pledge of Allegiance to the Earth with the others; such expression of an attitude which runs counter to group consensus has been determined to be indicative of social conservatism, a movement which was, thankfully, torn down out by progressive forces in 1997.

Individual counseling by K-4 classroom facilitators and even three periods in the Basic Skills Development Center "time-out box" failed to reverse this anti-consensus mind-set. Consequently, we were forced to use psychotropic drug treatment to prevent further disruption of class wide meditation.

At this point, I was called in to observe the child's activities. During the course of an interdisciplinary Internet lesson, I observed Johnny refusing to use his calculator, instead using paper and pencil to solve math problems. This, of course, is a serious violation of state and corporate statutes which require use of technology. I also heard Johnny ask one of his facilitators aloud why the group was studying African culture rather than American culture — another clear indication of embedded racism.

Mr. and Mrs. Doe, the saddest part of this sordid story I have to relate came when the children took their annual career interest assessment. Even after the results of the test clearly indicated that 80 percent of the classroom should be sanitation specialists, Johnny consistently expressed his desire to study civil engineering, like his father. The country needs sanitation specialists, not civil engineers.

It is my fond hope that we can cure the improper attitude you have instilled in your son; even more unfortunate is the fact that other children in the K-4 group have apparently been infected with this thought disease, and we will have to treat those children as well. Your names and data files have been passed on to all the parents of those children, in the even they want to sue you in a court of law for damages.

It is with regret I inform you of our decision; you have no doubt been worried for days, since Johnny didn't come home from school. Take my advice, and get re-educated.