A SIMPLISTIC AND HUMOROUS EXPLANATION OF OUTCOME BASED EDUCATION:

OUTCOME-BASED FOOTBALL

All high school football teams must use Outcome-Based Football beginning next season.  To ensure that all team-players feel successful, we will not keep score.  It is more important that the team learn the process and finish the game at the skill level determined by the coach rather than be winners.

To make sure everyone meets all the outcomes, poor players must be given more practice time and coaching.  Any player found keeping score during the game will be benched for the rest of the game.  During games, anyone who spits on the turf, or picks daisies, or runs the wrong way with the ball, or waves to their parents in the stands, or displays an uncooperative attitude toward the process, or objects to being called a dummy (or something worse) by the coach, will be remediated during time-outs.

The better players must sit on the bench, help coach the others until they demonstrate a team attitude and know what they are able to do, or engage in enrichment activities such as playing tag or watching the cheerleaders or readying the ice water to throw on the coach at the end of the game. (A benefit to this process is that BOTH sides get to dump ice water on their coach!)

These games will last much longer, so spectators should be prepared to stay.

All teams will complete 10 games and will receive the same trophy.  No records will be kept as no statistics will be needed, nor will we need any play-offs, all-star teams, or recognition banquets. Trophies will be meaningless, but everyone will get one. After all, they participated! All players will receive a scholarship to the major college of their choice at the end of their senior year. Attending such a college will guarantee acceptance, in four years, of placement on an NFL team.

Psycho-behavioral football experts feel that eliminating competition will increase the self-esteem of every player, who will feel great about his accomplishments.  We will not be playing any games against teams that don't have the same regulations.  It would be unfair competition to play against teams that emphasize ability, excellence and winning.  The peer pressure of not being part of our group should be sufficient motivation for the "traditional" team to accept the Outcome-Based football model.

"Everyone can play football."

(Author unknown)