June 26, 1996

I was as flabbergasted as anyone by the revelation in Bob Woodward's book that First Lady Hillary Clinton has been invoking the spirit of Eleanor Roosevelt.

I'd always thought better of Mrs. Roosevelt, actually.

Say what you will about Whitewater and Travelgate and all the other little foibles surrounding the Clintons, but I really do think their hearts are in the right place. Hillary's traveled all over the world doing her best to do what she thinks is right — most of it is about as wrong as could be, but hey, you know, she means well.

And now to find out she's consulting a medium, that's just kind of icing on the cake for me. See, I've been consulting mediums myself for years.

It started about 20 years ago, right after I got out of high school. I'd just entered the University of Houston and began discovering the wonders of the universe (they didn't teach anything about the wonders of the universe at Deer Park High).

On a whim, I went to see Madam Yurecky, who had this little house just off-campus. Full of the ambitions of youth, I asked her to help me to peer into the future to learn how I could profit by the knowledge.

Madam Yurecky took my $38.50, then put me in touch with the spirit of Herbert Hoover. I remember his words to this day: "Stay away from IBM and Microsoft, son ... invest heavily in Braniff; it's the airline of the future!"

A few years later, as I looked at the negative balance in my checkbook, I remembered that Hoover presided over the start of the Depression.

One bad experience notwithstanding, I came to rely on my contacts in the spiritual world for advice on a regular basis.

The famed French author Alexandre Dumas, for example, suggested I stick with the newspaper business rather than shooting for a career as a lawyer, doctor or accountant. It's only recently that I read a full biography of the author of "The Three Musketeers," and learned he died penniless.

Some of my spirit contacts have provided less helpful information. During a couple of trips through the Smoky Mountains, for example, I consciously avoided following James Dean's driving tips. Ditto Jim Morrison's suggestions on curing the common cold.

On the other hand, some of my spirit contacts have provided very valuable advice. From Paris of Troy, for example, I learned that everyone has an Achilles heel. Vercingetorix, the great chieftain of the Gauls, taught me to never get caught at the center of everything. Czarina Alexandra Romanov convinced me to always get a second opinion.

Say what you will about Hillary holding conversations with Eleanor Roosevelt or Mahatma Ghandi. Like I said, her heart's in the right place.

Now if she starts consulting Attila the Hun, "Bloody Mary" Queen of Scots or Mao Tse-Tung, then I'd say we have cause for worry.