NEWSPEAK IS EASILY CONFUSING  BY DAVE MUNDY:

 

'NewSpeak' is easily confusing

Jan. 15, 1997

We've all heard those key words, in everything from simple conversations to business lingo to political speeches. Have you ever sat down and analyzed what Newspeak really meanS?

Take, for example, that oft-referred-to "global economy" we're supposed to be participating in come next century. Sounds pretty slick, doesn't it?

Near as I can figure, a "global economy" happens when everybody trades with everybody. I bought beer in Equitorial Guinea, Mexico, the Virgin Islands, England, Okinawa, The Philippines and Cameroon; I figure that qualifies me as a global economy participant.

Of course, when you think about it in those terms, you kinda come to the realization that we have, pretty much, been participating in a "global economy" since the discovery of America. Certainly we had a global economy during the height of the Age of Imperialism in the late 1800s and early part of this century, although it was more a case of Western nations doing most of the taking and less of the giving.

Ever looked real closely at the labels on anything you buy? It's kinda hard to look for that Union label when all the Unions are unemployed and everything is made overseas anyway.

So what, exactly, are the "skills needed to participate in a global economy?" Seems to me anyone that's human and breathing is pretty much already doing just that.

Another one of those Newspeak terms is "critical thinking." Hey, that's one I got down pat already; I'm critical every time I think.

From everything I've heard and read, though, "critical thinking" equates to what us ancient relics refer to as "horse sense" — plain ol' common sense. I can't for the life of me figure out how you can actually teach common sense, since it's one of the things you can learn only by experience. And given the fact the vast majority of us have no common sense to begin with, I certainly wouldn't trust any of us to teach it.

Among my favorites of the Newspeak generation of speech is "diversity" and "multiculturalism." I keep hearing about how "increasingly diverse" we are, and how we need to "learn to respond to other cultures."

Now, in some ways, that's certainly true: the ethnic makeup of the population in Texas is shifting, and at some point in the next decade we should achieve a fairly even balance between the three predominant races. What I can't figure out is why we have to maintain three separate cultures; isn't America supposed to be the place where all the cultures melt together?

My favorite Newspeak, though, has to be "student-centered learning." The idea is, we dangle such tasty-looking carrots in front of students, they can't help but want to learn more — they become "self-motivated learners."

Anybody with a kid — or who has been a kid, for that matter — knows better. Given the choice between tackling that fascinating new Algebra book or playing with the neighbor's new Nintendo game, most of the kids I've become acquainted with would take the game 99 times out of 100.