Whatever else one might think of the movie Titanic, few viewers could have remained indifferent to the grandeur of the ship itself--in particular the dining room for the first-class passengers.

Even for Jack Dawson, no slouch in the self-confidence department, the amazing plethora of knives, forks, spoons, wineglasses, and finger bowls was daunting. Here was a man who competently dealt with the arduous daily challenge of filling his belly in a rough-and-tumble world, but who was overcome by the fact that he didn't know which fork to use. Fortunately for Jack, Molly Brown (the unsinkable one) rushed to his rescue: start from the outside, she advised, and work your way in.

Of course, there's more to it than that. Knives and spoons go on the right; forks go on the left, containers for drinks--goblets, glasses, and cups--are on the right, while additional food service--bread, butter, salad plates, and the like--are on the left. A good deal of table etiquette is directional this way: food is served from the left and removed from the right; beverages are poured from the right, where the glasses are, but cream and sugar are offered from the left.

It sounds, if not simple, at least doable--until you hear about the exceptions. If there's an oyster course, the fork for it is placed on the far right, outside the knives, rather than on the left. If there's both soup and a dessert course, the dessert utensils--spoon, fork, or both--will be above the plate. If the meal doesn't require a knife, the fork moves over to the right to keep the spoon company. And if there's no spoon either, only a fork, then the fork still goes on the right.

Some might wonder who cares where the oyster fork goes, or which shape of glass is for which wine. But a good grasp of such details is important in a world where jobs and sales, contracts and business deals are increasingly being discussed over elegant meals. Stories abound of the prospective employee who didn't get the job because he didn't know how to respond to a toast or because he salted his food without first testing it [Never salt before tasting the food!].

Most rules of table etiquette are based, as elsewhere, on consideration. That means you don't do things that obviously would disgust others, such as chewing with your mouth open, picking your teeth, applying make-up, or blowing your nose into your napkin. Many of us have learned these things from years of parental reminders: sit up straight, elbows off the table, no reaching across the table. Other pointers are more subtle: if you have to use the rest room during a meal, don't announce it, simply excuse yourself, and place your napkin on the seat of your chair when you leave the table. And speaking of napkins, you should never place a soiled napkin on the table until dinner is over. When you have finished eating you should signal this to the waiter or hostess by placing your knife and fork diagonally across your plate in a formation resembling the 10:20 position of the hands of a clock.

Knives, forks, goblets, napkins...it can all get confusing even to the most worldly of diners. Slipups happen from time to time, and it's important to handle them with a minimum of fuss. In the absence of a Mrs. Brown, the best way to deal with tabletop uncertainties is to follow the lead of another diner, particularly your hostess. since she is supposed to be the leader, keeping an eye on her is a pretty safe bet.

But not always. I once got involved in an animated dinner conversation and absentmindedly sipped wine from the glass of my neighbor, a man of genteel manners who was too gracious to point out my faux pas. Since I was the hostess, it might have been appropriate for guests to follow my lead and reach for the glass to their left. Unfortunately, other diners had already started to use the glasses on the accustomed side, leaving me with an untouched glass of Merlot to my right as well as the one I had commandeered on my left, and turning my polite dining companion into a temporary teetotaler. Eventually I discovered my error and gave the poor man a fresh glass of wine.

The hostess should correct any errors--whether made by guests or by herself--as discreetly as possible. And nobody should call attention to an error made by another. If your neighbor to your left places his roll on your bread plate, just use your dinner plate for your bread. And never compound the problem by using the bread plate on your right, thus throwing off the whole table.

Mistakes happen. Bread plates and wine glasses are unwittingly hijacked; drinks are spilled; the incorrect fork is used, and --horror of horrors--tasteless jokes and tipsy guests do rear their ugly heads from time to time. The adept hostess will smooth the way with a quick change of topic or an offer to call a cab.

Not long ago, my table manners were put to a supreme test when I was part of a group invited to dine at a foreign embassy in Washington, D. C. The organizers, wary of the decorum of the many newspaper reporters amongst us, thought it necessary to give us a crash course in dining etiquette. Our speaker, the director of a prestigious protocol school in the capital illustrated the importance of proper etiquette with a telling quote from Oscar Wilde: "The world was my oyster, but I used the wrong fork." Dining at a foreign embassy requires not just impeccable table manners, we were told, but we would actually be on foreign soil, making the occasion rife with concerns of protocol.

We continued to be barraged with reams of do's and don'ts, enough to intimidate the most confident of diners. By the time our group of 20 approached the large dining table in the home of the Spanish ambassador and Madame Oyazabel, we felt more like shy children at a cotillion than assertive professionals.

Fortunately, Madame Oyazabel was a truly gracious hostess. "Let's dispense with the formalities; please sit wherever you like," she said, immediately putting us all at our ease. While my vintage zippered cocktail dress gave me no choice but to sit up poker-straight, I noticed one of the guests, both elbows squarely on the table in front of his plate, unself-consciously leaning far forward to hear the remarks of the hostess.

Obviously, when it comes to a successful, enjoyable evening, formal or informal, what matters most is a congenial group of people, good food, good wine, and a calm, amiable host. No fancy table setting or proper etiquette ever made an evening, but each certainly adds to a sense of glamour and fun, elevating a mere gathering to an occasion.

Linda Hodges is a food and garden enthusiast and a freelance writer from Ames, Iowa.